Putin is here, there and everywhere

RT – Maybe Vladimir Putin, in tandem with an alien reptile species, leaked the Panama Papers to discredit David Cameron and help force a British exit from the EU?

Percy Bysshe Shelley wrote that “all around, within, beneath, above is death – and we are death.” That was around two hundred years ago. If the great English poet were writing today, he might replace the subject with Putin. That’s because, according to the British media, “Putin is here and Putin is there, Putin is busy everywhere.”

Take the Daily Mail for example. Previously, its main concern was always how various things could give you cancer. Indeed, they’ve now ran the full alphabetic gamut from age to zebra toys. My personal favorites were cod liver oil, fatherhood, mouthwash and sex. Which non-Mailreaders, in their ignorance, probably assume are good for them.

Now, it appears Putin has replaced horrible diseases and English property prices as the Mail‘s main obsession. In the past two weeks alone, the paper has published some startling, often frightening, stories about the Russian President. Like revealing that Putin “is working with an alien reptile species.” If that wasn’t spooky enough, UFO hunters apparently have a video of an alien craft flying over his home. “This isn’t the first time Putin has been accused of being in cohorts with alien life or receiving cutting-edge technology from them,” warns Britain’s second most widely read newspaper.

The following day, the Mail screamed that Putin had taken a break from the extraterrestrials to buy a flat for a “beauty queen 40 YEARS his junior.” The Mail was concerned about how Wendi Deng might react to the news. Deng is the Chinese businesswoman who most of the western media thinks Putin is currently dating.

However, as the Mail revealed the very next day, “Deng and Putin have never been seen together.” Also, as Putin is primarily based in Moscow (with downtime almost always in Sochi) and there is no record of Deng having visited Russia recently, I’d bet my last kopeck that they’ve never even met. Unless ‘Dengput’ are having some sort of virtual relationship over Skype, or something. Alas, given that Putin has branded the internet a “CIA project,” this is pretty unlikely.

Sex, Lies And Videotape

The Mail’s relentless coverage of Putin-related yarns continued with news of a “Kremlin-inspired sex sting” against the opposition politician, and former Prime Minister, Mikhail Kasyanov. This time, the premise was that Putin had lured Kasyanov (known as ‘Mischa Two Percent’ in Russia) and a female political ally to a hotel and filmed their x-rated activities there. Putin must be one evil guy – forcing the married Kasyanov to partake in such heinous acts, against his will.

As an aside, Kasyanov is known as ‘Mischa Two Percent’ not because of his electoral support (which is probably less now), but because he was famous for taking two percent on corrupt deals when in government. After the sex tape, he has now – rather cruelly – been labelled “Mischa Two Centimeters” in Russia.

Putin sells. And fabricated stories about Putin, the more hysterical the better, are even more valuable. Why else would theDaily Mail have a special, dedicated Putin section on its website? Plus, the Mail is not alone in its delirium.  

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