7 Reasons Jews Should See the New ‘Hobbit’ Movie or Judaism Hidden In Plain Sight

OCDG: Many of the stories people love are riddled with freemasonic (kabbalah) themes and characters. Unbeknownst to them, they are celebrating and internalizing jewish (judeo-satanic) narratives. The lord of the rings is particularly masonic/kabbalistic… many themes relating to the Divine rings God gave Solomon, with which he could control demons, as related in both the Bible and the Quran. freemasonry is obsessed, just as are jews in general, with rebuilding the third temple of Solomon. Many evil artifacts and knowledge of the arcane were buried under his temple, in order to hide it from those who wished to misuse them, including the abominable and satanic star of “David”, falsely attributed to Solomon/David.

The eye of sauron represents the anti-Christ (satan); the eye of “providence” of freemasonry/kabbalah is the same thing. This came about when Abraham blinded satan in one eye (metaphorically) when he came to deceive him. freemasonry is the public face of kabbalah, both of which are the cult of the anti-Christ, who will pave the way for his appearance. Suffice it to say, bad things will happen if it’s reconstructed (the dome of the rock and the al-aqsa mosque will have to be demolished first and that will cause havoc), as it will usher in the end times and the anti-Christ (dajjal). Normally we tend to shy away from these kinds of esoteric knowledge at TUT as it is distracting and not in the best purview of our mission statement but seeing as how part of the battle is spiritual, one shouldn’t neglect that aspect. The recent movie “Noah”, which was covered a while ago on TUT, was absolutely riddled with similar satanic garbage.

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I’m a Tolkienite and a lover of everything hobbit. There, I said it.

As a child, I read — and reread — all the hobbit-related books, painted the Misty Mountains, set a Tolkien poem to music, and played the “Lord of the Rings” Risk board game whenever I got the chance. Theoden’s speech at the Battle of Pelennor Fields, playing on loop, gave me the courage to write my senior thesis in college (“Forth, and fear no darkness! Arise, Riders of Theoden!”). Now I read the series over again almost every year.

For Jewish hobbit folk like me, this is a big week: “The Battle of the Five Armies” is hitting theaters — and on Hanukkah, no less.

Here are 7 Jewish reasons why you should join me in seeing the end of Bilbo’s quest on the silver screen:

1) Erebor is Israel.

When I was a child, my father read two books to me before bedtime: the Book of Joshua and “The Hobbit.” I loved both books and pleaded with him to keep reading long after I should have gone to sleep. The two have become muddled in my mind — and with good reason: both describe great battles (the Battle of the Five Armies and the Battle of Jericho, for starters), magical wizard leaders (Joshua and Gandalf, duh), treasure hunts, and — most importantly — exiled peoples reclaiming their lands.

2) Gandalf is a rabbi.

A Hasidic rebbe, to be exact. If you can’t see this, you’ve never seen a Hasidic rebbe. The long coat, the fluffy beard, the mystical wisdom, the miraculous powers. The only thing he is missing is a group of disciples — calling all Gandalfer Hasids!

3 )’The Hobbit’ is all about Exodus.

The story begins with a Seder at Bag End, where, over wine and large plates of food, the dwarves sing and recount their people’s sad history. Later, they save their skins by riding down a river in barrels, baby Moses-style. And when the eagles spirit them away from the goblins, they bring new meaning to the biblical verse used to describe the Exodus: “I carried you on the wings of eagles” (Exodus 19:4). Rest assured that “Battle of the Five Armies” is bound to be better than Christian Bale’s “Exodus.”

4) Elves really like Kiddush.

The Elvish king Thranduil keeps a nice supply of wine in his basement – probably a smooth Mirkwood Manischewitz. He will reappear with his troops in “Battle of the Five Armies,” but a joint Kiddush club with Thorin is unlikely.

5) Tolkien hated anti-Semitism.

Or did he? In 1938, he reportedly told off a German publisher for checking his Aryan background (“If I am to understand that you are enquiring whether I am of Jewish origin, I can only reply that I regret that I appear to have no ancestors of that gifted people,” he wrote). Yet he admitted that the dwarves were analogous to the Jews; their dreams of reclaiming Erebor parallel Zionism, their language is Semitic, they have a scattered diaspora that is ambivalent about a national restoration. But dwarves are also depicted as short, coarse, and most troublingly, incredibly greedy. So as far as I’m concerned, the jury’s still out.

6) Next year, Hobbit Day will be hard for Jews to celebrate.

That’s right, Hobbit Day – it’s a thing. The hobbity holiday, held on September 22 each year, celebrates the birthday of Frodo and Bilbo, whose eleventy-first birthday party ended with a bang. Next year, Hobbit Day falls on Yom Kippur, which means you may have to skip second breakfast, elevenses, luncheon, afternoon tea, and even supper…

7) Watch out for Hebrew names.

The dwarves’ names are full of it: Ori (“my light,”), Dori (“my generation), Kili (“it’s mine”), Fili (“my elephant?”). Tauriel, the female elvish commander created for the movie, translates to “God is fresh” from Hebrew. Poor Gollum sounds like Golem (literally “unfinished”), a mythical Jewish Frankenstein creature. Finally, any discussion of names in “The Hobbit” must include the hobbit Bullroarer Took, who knocked off the head of the goblin Golfimbul into a rabbit-hole, thereby inventing the game of golf.