Putin is suddenly faced with crushing odds against him in Syria

Sources always well informed inside Kremlin leaked under cover of anonymity Putin’s panic reaction when an aide handed him this report:

“Ahrar al-Sham’s new chief vows to defeat Russia

BEIRUT – The newly-appointed leader of the powerful Islamist Ahrar al-Sham rebel group has vowed to defeat any planned Russian intervention in Syria during his inaugural public address.

“We owe it to you to restore freedom to Syria after the invasion of the rejectionists [Shiites] from all corners of the earth,” Abu Yahya al-Hamwi said in a speech released Thursday.

“Today they are bolstered by their allies the Russians and the fate of this invasion shall be defeat,” he added in reference to Moscow’s major military buildup in Syria.”

According to our sources, Putin paled, dropped the report from his slack hand and, struggling for breath could be heard to whisper:

“No! Not Ahrar al-Sham! What have I done!”

“Who is Ahrar al-Sham?” asked Lavrov, who was also present. Nobody had heard of them. But Putin knew. He drew a deep breath and managed to say: “Fierce fighters, braver even than the IDF. I was hoping against hope they would not get involved.”

This report could not be independently verified.

0 thoughts on “Comic Relief–Putin Panics”
  1. “Braver even than the IDF.” This sounds like a report a Jew or one of their cronies concocted. Which army isn’t braver than the IDF? To the Jews, shooting rock throwing children or their grandmothers is brave. Whatever the Jew does is brave, noble and kind.

  2. OK, you had me until I read “braver than the IDF”. Lol :). They pee in their pants when faced with a warrior. “Combat experience” = shooting on unarmed women and children.
    The scum of this earth, and the soldiers of the antichrist.

  3. @lasse: “They pee in their pants when faced with a warrior.” That is not true; it is a ‘limited hangout’ type of propaganda pushed by Israel.
    In reality fecal incontinence has been the real, persistent problem of the IDF in such situations.

  4. Oh my god when I read this article I started trembling as well, I dropped the cordless mouse on the floor & cried out to my wife that she had to pack a bag and be prepared to flee immediately. !! IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT . . .VLAD AFRAID ???? iT’S ALL OVER !!! ( ͝° ͜ʖ͡°)

  5. THIS SOUNDS TO ME LIKE PURE PROPAGANDA!! AND I DON’T BELIEVE A WORD OF IT! PUTIN IS MUCH TOO SAVVY TO ‘PANIC’ AGAINST ANY ODDS …WITH THE FIRE POWER et.al. HE HAS!!!!!! GIVE ME A BREAK!!! SOUNDS LIKE THE WEST AND THEIR MINIONS WHO IN A PANIC – KNOWING PUTIN’S RESOLVE!

  6. A stupid jewish bullshit fairy tale “…braver than IDF…” Everybody is braver than those coward criminals, damn liers… LOL, LOL, and more a lot of LOL. Ahrat al Sham my ass! Whoever he was, he can go to hell along with his assholes pendejos. Viva Hizbollah! Long live!

  7. Putin was laughing under his breath as he said, “Braver than the IDF”. He knew, for a start, that they were all a bunch of wimps, with little combat experience apart from committing acts of genocide against unarmed innocents…

  8. I didn’t think it had to be spelt out but looks like you are correct in doing so.There’s obviously some (probably) well meaning people on this thread that didn’t quite “get” the satire bit. I mean, hey, there WAS more than one clue. The initial headline for one. “Putin PANICS”???? . . . . Yeah right . . . . on what planet did that occur ??? Then the biggest clue – about the bravery of the most moral army in the world. Displaying their renowned bravery by using children as human shields, killing children from a distance. With sniper rifles – not up close – from a distance – just in case one of these highly dangerous said children threw a stone or indulged in some other life threatening provocation – playing beach soccer comes to mind as a recent-ish example. Oh, and if they missed all that, you said it was satire as well near the beginning of the comments section.

  9. LOL! Putin curled up in a fetal position under his desk in Kremlin at the name of…..Ahrar al-Sham…
    Love the satire… Made my day . I take my hat to the master of satire from the Kremlin ??

  10. Thank you, “ariadnatheo”, for your sense of humor and satire. We really do need some “comic relief” at least occasionally, with all of the depressingly serious (and seriously depressing) news abounding. By the way, I would have thought that the very fact that you had “comic relief” in the very headline of the article would have been a sufficient clue that this was not meant to be taken seriously as a ‘legitimate’ article, but was the same category as an “Onion” article.

    Thanks again.

  11. Thank you, Mystic444. In all fairness to the commenters who “unmasked” it as “Jewish propaganda,” the satire was not flagged as “Comic relief” until today, when one of the editors added it, probably as an act of charity to me.
    I always use the tag ‘Satire’ at the bottom of the page but that is not highly visible. I am faced with the dilemma of either giving up writing satires entirely or inserting “Just kidding, ha, ha, ha. This is just a satire, full of sarcasm and irony. I swear I didn’t mean of word of it.” every few sentences. Nevertheless I will make a couple more tries before making a decision on that pitiful choice.
    Not that I am, God forgive such hubris, comparing myself to Jonathan Swift, but it amuses me to imagine what would be the reaction today if he were alive and published “A Modest Proposal” on the internet. Something like, “Shame on you, denatured son of Ireland, to make such a proposal, too horrible for words! You should be hanged!”

  12. “People! One more time: it’s a bloody SATIRE!”

    Ariadnatheo & martha15: your sarcasm/satire is not decoded by so many posters, because they visit TUT for the ugly truth -> got confused -> in future not easy accepting the TUT truth…

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